Welcome to my digital logbook. Here I document my creative journey.
The entries are chronologically organized and differ in their nature depending on the type.
DOC 234—34/2
REX-13: 978-0882681/283
I have set out a plan for myself. What I wanted to do was to design consistently and create clothes.
Everything was going well, I thought that my framework of Input, Process, Output, Reflect allowed me to not only post consistently, but also grow as a designer and learn things along the way.
I was busy, it felt good to be productive and working away. There was only one thing that I forgot to do, the reason why I was here in the first place, to actually make clothes!
I have made a big mistake, I forgot to prioritize. I noticed that I was putting too much attention on writing my blogs and creating my concepts, focusing on making content and updating my website.
The gravity of this mistake was made clear to me when I came to the end of my second week.
I knew I wasn’t going to accomplish my goal of posting consistently. It crushed me. It was very important to me to post consistently. If I didn't, then I wasn’t satisfied with myself. But I didn’t know to what extent that dissatisfaction would go.
To make matters worse, when I tried to sit down and finish my sewing project of the week, my mind was scattered. I couldn’t work for longer than 30 minutes, and it seemed like nothing was getting done. Any idea that I sketched or tried was revolting. After going back and forth from my bed to my workshop table, I decided that I needed a full reset. I was going through designer’s block.
I was in a hole. Knowing that my garment of the week wasn’t going to get published, I decided to share my setback on Instagram, describing the best I could what it felt like. To my surprise, the responses were all so encouraging and helpful. This is when I knew that my designer’s block was a lesson in disguise.
I learned about the importance of letting yourself get bored, for it is thanks to boredom that we create fun and exciting things. I realized that I was rushing my bag idea and it was resisting. It’s like trying to untangle a knot—if you rush and pull on the knot, it only tightens and becomes more difficult to untangle. Taking your time and carefully working through it results in a more efficient process where you work with the knot and not against it.
My procrastination and block became clear as well. I realized that I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work that needed to be done within such a short time frame. Rather than breaking it down or going one step at a time, I was trying to jump ahead of the process and it simply wasn’t possible. Finally, when it comes to the criticism I directed towards myself, I formed an insight about that too. Because I was rushing and pushing against the tide, the job wasn’t getting done, and I needed someone to blame. Being my own worst enemy was the result of not living up to my own expectations.
Starting a new week strong, I put all my lessons to good use. I focused on the most important thing first: finishing my bag. I let go of my blog and my concept. Breaking down every single step so that it became manageable in my mind was key.
One of the insights I formed was that after starting my posting journey, I completely neglected the habits I used to have. In just two weeks of not meditating, I was running around like a headless chicken, thinking about the next post I needed to make, the research I had to do, or the project I had to sew. So I started the week by telling myself that no matter what, my non-negotiables are running and meditation. Both of those things contribute to my self-esteem, help reduce procrastination, and ultimately make me a better designer.
The week flew by in an instant. I was sewing and prototyping every day, all while having tons of energy and being optimistic about the future. I finished the week off with a finished sample of the bag I wanted to make, as well as a video detailing the process.
After going through that hole, I feel more hopeful about the future than ever. My only competition is myself. My main goal is to do better than I did yesterday, to be better than I was last week.
The things I need to overcome to be consistent are:
• Overwhelm
• Procrastination
• Self-esteem
You can only overcome what you’re aware of, so reflect on your experiences to truly understand what happened and form an insight from it.